Terms of Existence - Are you dead?

1. Acceptance of Fate

Welcome to Are you dead?! By using this app, you acknowledge that you are indeed alive (for now) and agree to be bound by these terms. If you don't agree, please delete the app and maybe hire a full-time butler to poke you every morning.

2. What We Actually Do

Are you dead? provides a suite of survival-themed tools for the modern hermit:

Daily "I'm still warm" check-ins.
Designation of a "Chosen One" to be notified when you go suspiciously quiet.
Retrieval Squad formation (judging your friends' survival streaks).
Friendly "Pokes" to make sure your squad isn't turning into ghosts.

3. Your Survival Responsibilities

To avoid false alarms or becoming a permanent fixture, you agree to:

Provide a real email for someone who actually cares if you're MIA.
Don't lose your phone in the sofa cushions for more than 3 days.
Acknowledge that we are a dark humor app, not a 24/7 tactical rescue team.

4. Don't Be a Ghost (Literally and Figuratively)

The following activities are strictly prohibited:

Trying to hack our code to live forever.
Using bots to pretend you're alive when you're actually a vampire.
Spamming your squad with pokes until they wish they were ghosts.

5. The Reality Check

Special Notice:

Are you dead? is a dark humor tool. We cannot guarantee 100% notification delivery because the internet, like life, is unpredictable. In case of actual trouble, call the real authorities. We are not liable for you becoming a skeleton because your Chosen One has a really aggressive spam filter.

6. Ownership of Your Soul (and Code)

All design, code, and irony within this app are owned by us. You just get to use it until your survival streak ends.

7. Changing the Deal

We might change these terms. If we do, we'll try to tell you before you're gone. Continued use means you still agree to the irony.

8. Talk to Us

If you're still confused or want to say hi before the end, contact us at:

Email: xiongsl2013@gmail.com